An everyday tale of a footballer coming out as gay

A few weeks ago, Luke Tuffs, coach for semi-professional club, Hartley Wintney, was interviewed by The Non-League Football Paper about his experiences as an out-gay man in mainstream football. A further interview in The Times followed. It was welcome to see significant media coverage of what has been described as football’s last taboo being broken in the lower levels of English football. Thanks to that coverage, ’Luka’ (who I know from the UK’s gay-friendly football scene) will undoubtedly be a role model and inspiration to others.

A few days after The Times article, another friend of mine, Richard Cowell, wrote on Facebook: ‘I’m so touched and proud to be recognised as man of the match for Great Linford the week after I came out to the team. I may have only been at the club for a short time but my gay friends who feel they want/need to play in gay teams and leagues will know how important being accepted and how nerve racking it can be to come out even when you’re ancient in footballing terms like me. So thank you Great Linford for being supportive and accepting of me. I just wish it was on winning terms. I already feel like this club will be my home for some time. Thank you, it means a lot.’

Great Linford play in the North Bucks Premier Division, so Richard’s story is unlikely to feature in the national media. So I decided to ask Richard about his experiences.

I started by asking Richard what it was like before he came out to his team mates.

Richard: At Great Linford, the coach already knew I was gay. So until I told some of the teammates, I wasn’t sure if they already knew or not (they didn’t).  So I was the normal defensive self that I’ve been at many straight football teams – not really getting involved socially, avoiding giving too much away about my personal life. But I have only been at Linford since the summer and the reason I came out relatively ‘early doors’ was because I didn’t want it to be a habit – that I was distant. I wanted to be friendly with them.

Did you have any tactics for keeping your sexuality hidden?

Richard: Most people think I’m straight cos I’m very straight acting. In previous seasons, when I’ve had a boyfriend, I have made up a girl’s name for him, which I hated doing as it was lying. Recently, now I’m single, I don’t have to lie about him, and in fact I am generally more open – that is how I often come out when I’ve pulled and people say ‘oh, was she fit’, I’d be like ‘actually, it’s a he and yes he was’. But that definitely took some Dutch courage to do with my team mates!

Did you have support you could turn to? Friends, family?

Richard: At 35 I’ve been a scene queen back when I was a twink, I’ve played for many of the gay football teams, out to family and work colleagues, friends. So if it is easy for anyone, it should be easy for me. I’m very self confident about my sexuality and my football experience, so for me, I am best placed to come out, and in fact I’ve come out at one straight team before at a lower level that I carried on playing for. It’s still a nerve racking experience – I’ve come out pissed-up at other straight teams ,then left fairly soon after, mainly because of my nerves.

Tell me more about how you came out within the club and what made you choose to come out in that way?

Richard: Like I said, I wanted to come out early otherwise it means you have to start lying. Also, it become habit that you aren’t invited to things/gel with the team. We had a social and I knew that would be my chance as Dutch courage always helps. So I told my team mates one by one over the course of the evening. I had thrown in the odd pair of rainbow-laces on my boots at games as well, but I don’t think that really outs you (but it is quite exhilarating).

What was the reaction?

Richard: Their reaction was great. Everyone of them said how pleased they were I was at the club that I would be there this season and they had no problems at all. I had a really good night out with them got really leathered and had a good laugh. It was refreshing to do that with a straight football team as I’d done it with gay teams, but always had my guard up when out with straight teams before. After the night out, a couple of the players went well out of their way to show their support saying ‘wow, that was brave!’, which just corroborated the reaction on the night.  I started the next game at centre mid, got Man of the Match and everyone was completely normal to me – no bad reaction at all.

Has there been any negative reaction?

Richard: Not that I’m aware of. I think one or two players may need time to get used to it. But the only negative reaction really is pure jealousy to my superior drinking abilities lol.

Do you think you’re treated any differently than before?

Richard: Well, I’ve only been fully out for three weeks. But no, not differently, only I feel more relaxed around the team.

How do you feel now compared to how you felt before you came out?

Richard: I feel like I can say anything rather than thinking about what I am saying.  I’m hoping to help organise some more of the team’s socials as they’ve asked me to lend a hand, and it will be so good not to have to watch what I’m saying around them, especially if I can get the team up to my drinking standards.

What would you advice be to a player who was thinking about coming out?

Richard: Just do it. There’s lots of football teams and you’ll probably be ok. If not, you’ll learn from it. You never know, one of your team mates might come out to you back.

Like Luke Tuffs, Robbie Rogers, Anton Hysen and Liam Davies (the UK’s highest-level out-gay player, who plays for Gainsborough Trinity), Richard is a challenge to the notion that gay footballers cannot be open about their sexuality. He, too, is a role model and an inspiration to others.